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Adult Children and Their Dates
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How can I help my daughter aged 19 make the right choice. How do I know what the Lord wants? I’ve found that praying for what I want doesn’t get results and from past experience it’s sometimes turned out to be the complete opposite for what I had hoped for, you can see I am struggling here.
In brief - she has been dating a non-christian boy at her university who she seemed to be very keen on. Unfortunately over the Christmas vacation she found out that her boyfriend has a 1 month old baby daughter by someone from his home area that he is no longer in a relationship with. If he can keep this from her for so long, what else would he hide in the future? This boy still thinks that my daughter does not know about the baby and wants to talk to her because he knows that something is up when she returns tomorrow (Saturday). Has he just made one unfortunate mistake for which he should be forgiven and that there is every hope for them together, or do you think that he is a no-hoper and that she should dump him immediately? The baby will always be there. She desperately wants a loving steady boyfriend unfortunately she says the Christian Union has no-one single who she could possibly date and that all the boys she would like to date are already spoken for. As she points out to me, I can’t tell her how to run her life and neither can I talk to church people as gossip is rife and I have no wish to provide them with more fodder from our family.
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Hello Amethyst -
Thank you for this question and the previously posted one "Perfect Parents". I will say that I truly appreciate it when I am given the opportunity to share the wisdom the LORD has given me, in situations that are reflective of a persons struggle with faith.
It appears that you are really struggling with one particular thing, that seems to be causing you anxiety, worry and fear in several areas.
This one particular thing, is above all else, the number one thing that can cause us to lose our peace. Pride.
You are really struggling with pride right now. It may not seem that way to you, as it usually does not to any of us, when we are in fact, suffering from it.
Your pride is effected by what you think the Church thinks. Your pride is effected because, others "seem" to be doing a better job raising their kids than you are. Your pride is effected because your daughter "appears" to be adding to this, by dating a young man that does not measure up to your expectations. Your pride is effected, because you pray for things and never get what you want.
This is pride at full steam my friend and if you do not let it go, it will harden your heart to the LORD.
How do you that, when you truly feel that everything is coming apart? Real Simple.
Trust God. Period. You are NOT, nor have you EVER been in control of anything, except that one choice. Will you trust GOD or not?
It is easy to trust God when life seems to be going our way. When our children are being obedient and reflective of OUR desires. When others are seeing us as being blessed by the LORD and lifted up. Sure, trusting and praising the LORD is so wonderful then.
But, when it all seems to close in and the darkness comes. When your prayers fall flat and you cannot feel the LORD's hand in your life. When you look around and see what appears to be only failure and you start to feel hopeless or that you have done something wrong...that is where the faith is tested my friend. That is where you must hold on to the LORD's promises. Isaiah 41:10-14
I can tell you from personal experience what is about to happen for you. The LORD is getting ready to do something so awesome and so great in your life and you will not even see it coming. The LORD never refines us or test our faith, unless HE is about to use us and knows we will need every ounce of it.
Now, to your daughter and the boy. You should tell her what the Bible tells her, which is not be yoked to an unbeliever. What she wants to have, the LORD already knows and HE has a plan for her, but she must trust HIM and wait upon HIM.
Now, if she does not, then that will not turn out well and she will ultimately suffer a broken heart, as we cannot go against the LORD without suffering. Not because HE is punishing her, but because HE has told her there is a right way and a wrong and wrong ways, always end in heartache.
Having said that, if she does do that, she will learn to trust the LORD the next time and this will cause "her personal" walk with the LORD to grow.
Either way, your job is to instruct her with the word of the LORD, with love and humility and then let the LORD handle it from there. She does not belong to you, she and everything she does, belongs to the LORD.
Peace in Christ