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Is it OK to go through my husband's mobile phone when he returns from work to look through his call history and messages. Especially when there's an issue with trust. I am a christian while he is not.
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Issue of Trust
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Without knowing everything in full detail, I want to say "no," as this could actually cause him to not trust you. Is there some reason why you wouldn't trust him? Has he hide his call history and messages for any sinful reason before (like affairs)?
I think the best way would be to ask him for him to show you all of his history and messages. At least this way you'll see his messages but without having to do it behind his back. Now if he doesn't show them to you right away, it doesn't necessarily mean he's hiding something. It could just mean he thinks you're acting too suspicious. But then again, if he has nothing to hide, he "normally" should show you.
If the question is just, "Is it okay?" then the simply answer is "yes" in my opinion. He's your husband. My idea of marriage is exactly, word-for-word, as is mentioned in Genesis. "The two shall become one." That means one email, one phone, one bank account, one everything. I mean, if you want to have ten go for it but I mean your lives are no longer two but one. You share things.
Sure it's hard when your husband is not a Christian. I will try to keep that in mind as I answer you from my opinion.
I don't think your question is simply, is it okay, though, because you continued on to mention a trust issue.
If there is a trust issue, in that he has broken your trust and had been unfaithful, then that's one case. However, if he has always been faithful and never proved to be otherwise, then that is a completely different case.
I won't bore you by analyzing both cases thoroughly but what I will say is this:
Love your husband and remain faithful to him. If you are faithful, then don't suspect him of being otherwise unless he proves to be so. Live your life as a light before him; praying and seeking to be a blessing to him.
Looking through your husband's phone may raise doubts or it may not. What will it benefit you in the end? Will you leave him if he has been unfaithful? Won't that disobey God's word? Love him. Pray that God will open up his heart so he would see Christ in you.
I would love to talk more to you about this if you'd like and if there's anyway I could help, please just let me know. I will be praying for you, my friend. Know that.
Thanks alot for your replies.
Fubbz, i do appreciate yr concern. The whole story is that he is a good and faithful man(as far as i know) He has never given me a reason to doubt him. However a female collegue of his has been sending text messages and calling a bit too much. She seems to want more than just friendship and this is making me uncomfortable. He has re-assured me there's nothing going on but the fact that he's not a christian scares me sometimes and i feel he could fall for temptation. That is why i go thru the phone to uncover anything that may be going on and nip it in the bud if need be. It has caused alot of arguements btwn us lately and he thinks i m obsessed with his phone and probably going paranoid.
Given this circumstance, should i just take my mind completely off the phone and stop sneaking around to check it or should i continue to keep a vigilant EYE on it?
Unless you believe there is a good chance he will fall for temptation, then you should stop looking at the phone right now. MAYBE someday in the future it could be justified to look through all his call/messages, but right now I think it will harm your trust. You must communicate with him very frankly but sincerely and tenderly. Don't turn him away from you! Show him your true Christian love as a wife. If I think you're totally paranoid, that is not a good thing for your marriage. But I am not saying don't keep an eye on your husband generally--just don't go crazy and sneak around constantly. I will pray for you.
Thank you ever so much.
I have been praying about it as well and i must say God has been good to me. I say this because i haven't even checked the phone in days and i don't miss it. I don't feel a need to. Plus the fact that he leaves the phone lying around which makes me think there's nothing to hide in it hence his leaving it around carelessly. I won't lie, a will/might check the phone again at some stage in future but at the moment i think the Lord has healed me and i don't run for his phone every time i see it anymore. Praise the Lord.
Amen.
I like how you asked whether you should keep a vigilant "eye" on his phone or not. Why do I like it? Because in Proverbs 15:3 it says "The eyes of the LORD are in every place, Watching the evil and the good."
If God's eye is in every place, why then should we have our eyes in every place? Do we think God's eyes aren't enough? hehe. My dear sister, I am praying for you, please know that. It is great to hear that God is helping you and I know that He will guide you to be victorious over this.
I pray that He will see Christ in you and strive to have the joy and peace and, most of all, love that you have. God bless you!
Dear Fubbz
How are you and God bless you. I made an amazing discovery last week. Read on.
At the start of the year,he and i had discussed this particular girl from his office and i told him i wanted him to cut all ties with her as she seems to be looking for more than platonic friendship. Weeks later, i asked him if he still wanted to be friends with her and he said NO..especially after all that had happened.He even told me that he told the girl they had to end their friendship as it was affecting his home. Now last thursday, i just felt an urge to check his phone again and i did. And what did i find, he had called the girl the day before. I checked the phone again the next day (friday) and her number was gone. I felt betrayed and up till now, i haven't said it to him. It wouldn't have bothered me as much if she was the one who called. But to think he was the one who did the calling. How should i handle this?
You know, this is a very tough situation. I would hate to be making this decision for you, only you know what is best for your husband and for your family. I can't tell you not to check his phone because that's a bit too late. You have checked it and were hurt.
Do you want to know what I think? Personally, I believe your husband has been faithful. Now he may or may not be, I'm not God to know. What I want to help you focus on is this, the devil tries anything to hurt us. You have been fighting hard and you have been victorious for so long without needing or even wanting to check your husband's phone. In one week all that goes down the drain, why? Because the devil simply had enough of you winning. He wanted you to lose.
Why I say your husband has been faithful is because I believe the devil drove your husband to call that girl and then came and raised the doubts in your heart and mind. He is a master-planner. He knows how to cause evil and he knows how to cause pain. He knows that God wants to use you to be a blessing to your husband. It aches him to hear you talk to God begging Him to save your husband, so the devil wants to break you apart.
My opinion? Pray. You know, I want to pray for you so much more now. You are in a battlefield and I want to encourage you with the words of Jeremiah who said, "The Lord is with me as a dread champion!" Jeremiah 20:11. The Lord is with you and the Lord is with me and the Lord is with all His children, and to them He is a safe refuge. To them, He is a champion and warrior who will lead them to victory.
Come to God with a broken heart. Come to God seeking the best for your husband. Most of all, come to God seeking His glory in your life. I know it's hard. Believe me, my dear sister, I understand. Better yet, I'm praying for you. You know why? Because even though I may understand briefly what you're going through, God comprehends EXACTLY what you're battling through; and He has the victory.
If you need anything else, please just ask. I really feel a burden on my heart to truly be a blessing to you as much as I can. To pray for you earnestly and join you in seeking God's work in leading your husband to salvation. I love you very dearly, my sister, with the love of Christ. God isn't going to leave you, believe me. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. He will fill you with His peace. I'm praying for your husband so much.
God bless you!