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Is my love for him a sin?
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After a 5 year affair with a married man I ended the physical relationship but we remained best friends for the next 4 years. We truly loved each other but I wouldn't ask him to divorce & he couldn't bring himself to hurt his family. He was recently killed in a car accident. Although our physical relationship was a sin, I am still deeply in love with him.
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He is gone, therefore he no longer exists. Did you repent and ask God to forgive you concerning this affair? Since there is no longer a body, there is no longer a lustful sinful love. Now, the love you feel for him is concerning the good times you had while in his company.
I believe it's okay to feel love for this person as long as it's not a reminising of lustful love, but a humble love that grew because of kindness and understanding. I feel though that you need to begin putting this past behind you for two reasons. 1) So you may begin to get over the hurt 2) So that you may begin again. The mistake you made with him by comitting adultery must be put behind you.
Let it be a pleasant memory of a dear friend who was there for you in times of trouble and nothing more. If you continue to hang on to the adulterous memories, then there is no remorse and you shall dwell in the painful memory of the forbidden love for years to come. Although you will always have a soft place in your heart for him, his memory will never die. But, you need to let the memory of the forbidden love to fade. That is the only way you will be able to move forward both with your heart and with your soul.
It's like having a scab, if you continue picking at it, it will never heal.