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My Mother in law chose not to have a relationship with my children, now what?
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My children are now grown or close to it (25, 21, 18, 15) but when they were young my MIL wouldn't have a relationship with them as it would make her oldest daughter mad (SIL has 3 children, grown or close to it). Her children always had to be best at everything. My husband and I had difficulty dealing with it for many years but continued to attend Thanksgiving and Xmas dinners sometimes without an invitation because we felt that our children should know their dad's side of the family. Mostly we were ignored and spent our time together in the family room while everyone else went to the living room, and then at the end of the day we would go home and be glad it was over for another year. This year was the first year we told the kids it was up to them if they wanted to visit grandma and they all chose not to. My husband and I went to visit her and took a floral arrangement and stayed for about an hour on xmas eve morning before she had other guests. My question is this: My MIL had some serious health issues in May and almost died. Her birthday is coming up and my jealous SIL has asked my husband and I and our kids to attend a dinner for her. We don't want to go. Would it be wrong to visit her prior to her birthday and wish her well without our kids going? It's not that we are upset with anyone but we have just moved on. She hasn't been a part of our lives for a good many years. She ignored three graduations, numerous birthdays, prom grand marches, athletic activities, school functions. She's just not a part of our lives anymore by her choice. Is it wrong for us to let her reap what she has sowed?
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Christ only asks us to yield our lives, so the HE may live through us. That is why HE laid is life down for us.
So, what did the LORD say to us about these matters and how do you think, HE would handle this situation?
Luke 6:32
Peace in Christ
Thank you.
It depends on your reasoning. If you don't want to spend time with her to "teach her a lesson" or to let her "reap what she has sowed," then that could be seen as not having truly forgiven her as the Bible says we must do. However, if you choose not to have your family spend time with her simply because you do not want to (no hateful reasons), then that is usually ok.
I lived a similar situation to your kids. When I was younger my Grandma was always mean to me. For no good reason she was just mean. It got so bad that I told my parents I wanted nothing to do with her. However, now that I'm older, we've gotten very close. What I'm trying to say is that it may not be too late for you and your kids to get close to your mother-in-law.
Thank you.
You are most welcome. I hope that my answer did not come across as blunt, as it was not intended that way. I just think it is imperative, when facing these types of questions, that we go to scripture and stay away from opinion as much as possible.
The issue is not how your Mother-N-Law "feels or has acted" towards your family. The issue is, how you all feel about the LORD and your walk with HIM.
We must always try as hard as we can to remember, that Christ gave HIS life to all people. I would think, that the issue is not whether or not, your MIL treated you all harshly, but that you all had always hoped for a different outcome.
We are considered as sheep to be slaughtered, is a very clear way of looking at this. What that means, is that we (like Christ) are to give ourselves over to be sacrifices in the name of Christ.
The goal here is not let your MIL reaped what she has sown, but for her to know, that she is worthy of unconditional love, despite her many offences. This love, comes from the LORD, who you and your family, have had the awesome blessing of knowing.
It may be, that you all are in fact, the only reflection of this in you Mother-N-Law's life.
So, at the end of all that, you want to be where the LORD would have you and not where a hardened heart would take you.
Peace in Christ
Your answer was not too blunt. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but it was what I needed to hear. Thanks again.