Christian Marriage Roles for Husbands and Wives

There is a lot of confusion nowadays as to the role of a husband and wife in a Christian marriage. Much of it comes from the rising divorce rate which usually leaves mothers and fathers to assume both roles for their children. Some of the confusion comes because mothers and fathers oftentimes refuse to fulfill their God-given roles. The Bible makes it clear that husbands and their wives are equal in relationship to Christ (Galatians 3:28). However, the Bible assigns different primary roles to them.

Husbands are to love their wives just as Jesus Christ loves the church. The most famous passage concerning a husband’s role in the family is found in Ephesians 5:25-26: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.” Ephesians 5:25-26 clearly states that husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Christ loves the church (His people). Christ loved the church with compassion, mercy, forgiveness, respect, and selflessness. Christ also showed His love for the church by sacrificing Himself for it – for us. In the same way, a husband’s priority must be to give his love, time, resources, and even his own life for his wife.

Husbands are also to love their wives just as they do their own bodies. The Bible tells us this in Ephesians 5:28: "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." Husbands would not fail to feed and nurture their own bodies, so they need to do the same for their wives.

Husbands are to be the primary providers. The husband should work and be able to provide all of the necessities of life for his family. For most husbands this is not a problem. Working is God’s will for the husband as stated in Genesis 2:15 and Genesis 3:17-19. The Bible also says in 1 Timothy 5:8 that anyone who does not provide for his family is considered to be worse than a person with no faith (an unbeliever).

Husbands are to be the spiritual heads or leaders of their families. The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 11:3 and Ephesians 5:23 that husbands are to assume leadership of their families. This type of leadership does NOT mean to be dictatorial, condescending, or patronizing. Husbands should lead their family in the same way that Christ led us: with love, respect, and wisdom. Just as Jesus prayed to communicate and to receive direction from God (the Father), as explained in Mark 1:35, husbands are to read the Bible and pray so that they can communicate and receive direction from God to better lead their families.

Wives are to submit to the authority of their husbands. The Bible makes this clear in Ephesians 5:22-24: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” What is meant by to submit? It means that wives should follow the direction of their husbands as the latter receives direction from God. However, submission does NOT mean to tolerate abuse or neglect. Husbands are told in 1 Peter 3:7 to be considerate to their wives and to treat them with respect: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” Therefore, when a husband seeks God’s will and conducts himself as he should, the Christian wife will usually have no problem being submissive. In other words, if love and respect from the husband are present, then submission to the husband's authority should not be a problem for his wife.

Husbands and wives are not always limited to these specific roles. For example, while Proverbs chapter 31 tells us that the primary responsibility of the wife is to look after the home and the children (Proverbs 31:15, 27-28), a husband who helps with these tasks shows that he loves his wife. Likewise, even though the husband is to be the primary provider, the wife can provide for the family, too, as stated in Proverbs 31:13-22.